The Summer Grumps

I’ve been a bit sickly lately. Nothing to drastic, just a bug going around. I can’t stand summer bugs because, for one thing, the heat always makes me feel worse. I’m not a big fan of the hot months. I don’t understand how anyone can love sticky, humid weather. At least in the winter, I can put MORE clothes on to get comfortable, but you can only take so much off before you’re arrested for indecent exposure. Summer has always been a rough time of year for me though, because I’m one of those rare people cursed with reverse-SAD. During the winter, when the sun goes down early, darkness settles across the land, and all the bugs die off, I’m happy as the proverbial central nervous system-free clam while everyone else is huddling around their heat lamps popping antidepressants. During the summer, when those same people are emerging from their shells, singing the praises of the return of the long, bright days, I’m huddled around my dehumidifier in a dark room not popping antidepressants because they make things worse for me. Isn’t than nice? Not only do I get the weird summer blues, but I have a weird system on top of it that rebels against any sort of medication that may make it better.

On the plus side, since having Jacob, my summer grumps haven’t been quite so severe, but they are still there. On the downside, I’m so stressed about money lately that, on top of being grumpy, I swear I’m developing an ulcer. I kid you not. Someone accused me of being dramatic, but I’m not. I seriously think there is a big, giant hole burning through my stomach. Bright side, I can now scream “stop stressing me out, you’re agitating my bleeding ulcer!” As for the drama, I’m a Leo (despite what some random change in astrology signs said, and did anyone notice how quickly all that hoopla died off? What ever happened to that random extra sign that was discovered?) Despite everything though, I’m actually in a fairly chipper mood. It’s all part of my attempt to maintain a slightly optimistic attitude. My awesome therapist told me that worrying constantly would cause me to miss out on opportunities that may come my way, because worrying turn your focus inward too much. I have a strange fear of optimism though. I think I’m afraid that if I’m optimistic, or experience a moment of sheer stress-free joy, everything will come crashing down around me. Like I’ll jinx myself or something. I’m working on that, but it’s not easy to completely change your way of thinking.